Sugarfree Stick
Taste: Hear ye now: THE RIDICULOUSLY LONG LASTING THING IS NOT JUST GIMMICK. It really is ridiculously long lasting. It stays at about fresh-doublemint strength for, like, an hour, maybe an hour and a half. After that, it fades just a leetle bit, and gets sorta tough but not bad. It's about two hours into the piece before you have any good excuse to spit it out. Plus, the spearmint taste is strong and delicious. It isn't any of that crazy stuff where you risk losing your tongue to frostbite, it's just sweet and flavorful. And it tingles!
Texture: Soft, stretchy, substantial enough for extended chewing (and a good thing too). It's even strong enough to blow bubbles! Which is pretty cool, even though the pieces are a little small for that. It's the principle of the thing, though.
Final Notes: The packaging is nifty too! No I am not paid off by Stride. I know since I wield such amazing power it would be easy to make such assumptions but it's not true. This stuff is really that good.
10/10
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Skittles Bubble Gum
novelty bubble gum
Taste: What can I say? It tastes like Skittles, for about a minute and a half. The flavor life may be disappointing, but the flavor isn't, because after all, who doesn't like Skittles? Who doesn't like just to say "Skittles"? Skittles, Skittles, Skittles...
Texture: If it wasn't for the little white "gum" under each "S," you could easily make the assumption that the factory packaged these wrong--silly people, you put normal Skittles in a box marked 'gum'! They look the same, they taste the same, and they chew the same, soft and a little gummy with a very slight sugary crunch. But if you are capable of compartmentalizing your chewing while the colorful candies mostly dissolve (the recommended two pieces end up about the size of a pencil eraser), you will find, lo and behold, that some of it solidifies into gum! The small size means that if you're one of the kinds like me who will only eat like colored Skittles together, you may have to dump out the whole box searching for enough reds or purples to make a good chew. But really, a 'good chew' isn't that important with novelty gum--half the fun and point is looking at it before you put it into your mouth.
Final Notes: If you really get that much of a charge out of eating Skittles that, psych, are actually gum, you may truly enjoy this product. However, if you're primarily a gum chewer who also happens to like Skittles and think you'll save some money by purchasing both at once, skip it.
3/10
Taste: What can I say? It tastes like Skittles, for about a minute and a half. The flavor life may be disappointing, but the flavor isn't, because after all, who doesn't like Skittles? Who doesn't like just to say "Skittles"? Skittles, Skittles, Skittles...
Texture: If it wasn't for the little white "gum" under each "S," you could easily make the assumption that the factory packaged these wrong--silly people, you put normal Skittles in a box marked 'gum'! They look the same, they taste the same, and they chew the same, soft and a little gummy with a very slight sugary crunch. But if you are capable of compartmentalizing your chewing while the colorful candies mostly dissolve (the recommended two pieces end up about the size of a pencil eraser), you will find, lo and behold, that some of it solidifies into gum! The small size means that if you're one of the kinds like me who will only eat like colored Skittles together, you may have to dump out the whole box searching for enough reds or purples to make a good chew. But really, a 'good chew' isn't that important with novelty gum--half the fun and point is looking at it before you put it into your mouth.
Final Notes: If you really get that much of a charge out of eating Skittles that, psych, are actually gum, you may truly enjoy this product. However, if you're primarily a gum chewer who also happens to like Skittles and think you'll save some money by purchasing both at once, skip it.
3/10
Bazooka Bubble Juice Bubble Gum Nuggets--Sour Green Apple Burst
Novelty Bubble Gum
Taste: Those expecting a sour gum will probably be disappointed by this product, for in spite of the name this gum delivers no more sourness than your typical straight 'green apple' candy. The taste also fades within minutes.
Texture: While the full name might be a mouthful, this gum certainly isn't. The nutrition facts list the suggested serving size as "20 pieces." "Nuggets" is not really the appropriate word choice here; "chips" or perhaps "particles" is a more accurate description. The pieces are so tiny and hard that it doesn't seem there'd be any room for actual gum in them--this isn't candy-coated gum, it's just candy gum. The initial chews fragment the crunchy, brittle pieces so much that it's a feat to keep from swallowing any, and even keeping them all vaguely in the same part of your mouth is pretty much an impossibility. My suggestion, if you insist on chewing this gum: work one or two large pieces into a chewable substance, then flatten the wad and put a few new pieces in the middle and wrap them up, so that they stay together while they soften. The fact that it has to be chewed this scientifically, however, should be a tipoff. Plus, when the gum is through being gritty, it's already tough, and so is very poor bubble material.
Final Notes: "Bubble Juice" is a laughable moniker for this gravelly gum. I imagine it was a failed Bazooka Corporation Labs experiment that got accidentally sent to the marketing department. But hey, it comes in a resealable pouch!
2/10
Taste: Those expecting a sour gum will probably be disappointed by this product, for in spite of the name this gum delivers no more sourness than your typical straight 'green apple' candy. The taste also fades within minutes.
Texture: While the full name might be a mouthful, this gum certainly isn't. The nutrition facts list the suggested serving size as "20 pieces." "Nuggets" is not really the appropriate word choice here; "chips" or perhaps "particles" is a more accurate description. The pieces are so tiny and hard that it doesn't seem there'd be any room for actual gum in them--this isn't candy-coated gum, it's just candy gum. The initial chews fragment the crunchy, brittle pieces so much that it's a feat to keep from swallowing any, and even keeping them all vaguely in the same part of your mouth is pretty much an impossibility. My suggestion, if you insist on chewing this gum: work one or two large pieces into a chewable substance, then flatten the wad and put a few new pieces in the middle and wrap them up, so that they stay together while they soften. The fact that it has to be chewed this scientifically, however, should be a tipoff. Plus, when the gum is through being gritty, it's already tough, and so is very poor bubble material.
Final Notes: "Bubble Juice" is a laughable moniker for this gravelly gum. I imagine it was a failed Bazooka Corporation Labs experiment that got accidentally sent to the marketing department. But hey, it comes in a resealable pouch!
2/10
Monday, March 3, 2008
Bubblicious Twisted Tornado
Brick Bubble Gum
Taste: Somewhere deep in the bowels of the bubblicious artificial fruit flavoring underground lab, mad bubblegum scientists tested their latest attempt to master artificial peach, and discovered... it didn't taste a whole lot like peach. But it was yummy anyway! So they approximated what flavors it probably tasted like (orange, watermelon, and peach, apparently, which sounds kind of gross but isn't), came up with a cool name (if a bit redundant, since I'm pretty sure all tornadoes are twisted), colored it blue (what?) and slapped it onto c-store racks as their newest NEW! flavor. It's interesting, and suggests nothing if not fruit--even if WHAT fruit that is specifically might be questionable--but it fades within five to ten minutes. Le sigh. If you chew it for too long after that, it also starts to taste icky-sour.
Texture: Popping a mouthful of soft, juicy bubblicious gum is a workable definition of bliss. Chew a little of the sugar out and it makes lovely big blue bubbles. Alas, by the time the flavor is gone, the pliability of the gum is much diminished and the bubble quality is impaired. Continue for much longer, and it gets awfully tough.
Final Notes: An appealingly weird flavor from a standby brand. Well done and fun to chew.
7/10
Taste: Somewhere deep in the bowels of the bubblicious artificial fruit flavoring underground lab, mad bubblegum scientists tested their latest attempt to master artificial peach, and discovered... it didn't taste a whole lot like peach. But it was yummy anyway! So they approximated what flavors it probably tasted like (orange, watermelon, and peach, apparently, which sounds kind of gross but isn't), came up with a cool name (if a bit redundant, since I'm pretty sure all tornadoes are twisted), colored it blue (what?) and slapped it onto c-store racks as their newest NEW! flavor. It's interesting, and suggests nothing if not fruit--even if WHAT fruit that is specifically might be questionable--but it fades within five to ten minutes. Le sigh. If you chew it for too long after that, it also starts to taste icky-sour.
Texture: Popping a mouthful of soft, juicy bubblicious gum is a workable definition of bliss. Chew a little of the sugar out and it makes lovely big blue bubbles. Alas, by the time the flavor is gone, the pliability of the gum is much diminished and the bubble quality is impaired. Continue for much longer, and it gets awfully tough.
Final Notes: An appealingly weird flavor from a standby brand. Well done and fun to chew.
7/10
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Trident Splash--Citrus Blackberry
Sugar-free dragée gum
Taste: While at first the flavor is just as tart and interesting as its name would indicate, after only about five minutes it mostly subsides into subtle sweetness. It doesn't end with this fine excuse for alliteration, however. Ten minutes into the piece, just as I'd thought the original flavor was all but gone, I started to detect stirrings of coolness, which perhaps shocked me unduly. "Ice" or "mint" taste is not listed on the package, no, but how are you going to believe them when they say it cleans your teeth if you don't spit it out with Alpine freshness on your tongue? Within five minutes of this revelation, the coolness was almost as predominant as the soft fruit sweetness. And it did what it was supposed to--it left my mouth feeling clean, yet not minty-flavored.
Texture: 'Citrus Blackberry," like other Dentyne Blast gums I've tried, starts out simultaneously crunchy (thick candy coating) and soft to the point of squishiness(gimmicky flavor goo inside), then homogenizes into something suitably substantial and, for a while, very slightly gritty. The elasticity is fair enough, too.
Final Notes: As the packaging itself will tell you, this is a mouth-cleaner gum rather than a recreational gum, since the flavor is pretty short lasting. But because of its fruity flavor foundation, it's an appealingly unique alternative to typically mint-heavy postprandial chews.
6/10
Taste: While at first the flavor is just as tart and interesting as its name would indicate, after only about five minutes it mostly subsides into subtle sweetness. It doesn't end with this fine excuse for alliteration, however. Ten minutes into the piece, just as I'd thought the original flavor was all but gone, I started to detect stirrings of coolness, which perhaps shocked me unduly. "Ice" or "mint" taste is not listed on the package, no, but how are you going to believe them when they say it cleans your teeth if you don't spit it out with Alpine freshness on your tongue? Within five minutes of this revelation, the coolness was almost as predominant as the soft fruit sweetness. And it did what it was supposed to--it left my mouth feeling clean, yet not minty-flavored.
Texture: 'Citrus Blackberry," like other Dentyne Blast gums I've tried, starts out simultaneously crunchy (thick candy coating) and soft to the point of squishiness(gimmicky flavor goo inside), then homogenizes into something suitably substantial and, for a while, very slightly gritty. The elasticity is fair enough, too.
Final Notes: As the packaging itself will tell you, this is a mouth-cleaner gum rather than a recreational gum, since the flavor is pretty short lasting. But because of its fruity flavor foundation, it's an appealingly unique alternative to typically mint-heavy postprandial chews.
6/10
Icebreakers "Lift" strawberry gum
sugar-free dragée
Taste: The supposed full name of this gum is "Lift {your spirits}", which is not only a rather unneccessarily cutesy use of punctuation, it's a pretty ambitious thing to ask of a gum. Since gum in general tends to lift my spirits, however, I'd be a pretty easy sell on this point. Or so you'd think. This gum does taste somewhat like strawberries, but they'd have to be very poor, very unripe strawberries. There is virtually no sweetness, but it is tart. It's also very bitter. I think the vitamin C and green tea advertised on the front isn't just a supplement, it's the extent of this gum's flavoring ingredients. On the upside, the flavor goes away after about five minutes--well, except for the bitterness, which stays for about ten.
Texture: Whether because the candy coating on this gum is far too thick or the gum itself is simply brittle, "Lift" tends to crumble at the very first, and much effort had to be made to keep myself from swallowing half my gum before I even got to chew it. The servings are minuscule, even if you have two pieces at a time as suggested in the nutrition facts. (Seriously, why?) Once you get over the crumbliness, it's nice and soft and everything, but when it tastes that gross, who really cares?
Final Notes: If you want a good-for-you, fruity tasting chew, buy a bottle of Flintstones vitamins.
1/10
Taste: The supposed full name of this gum is "Lift {your spirits}", which is not only a rather unneccessarily cutesy use of punctuation, it's a pretty ambitious thing to ask of a gum. Since gum in general tends to lift my spirits, however, I'd be a pretty easy sell on this point. Or so you'd think. This gum does taste somewhat like strawberries, but they'd have to be very poor, very unripe strawberries. There is virtually no sweetness, but it is tart. It's also very bitter. I think the vitamin C and green tea advertised on the front isn't just a supplement, it's the extent of this gum's flavoring ingredients. On the upside, the flavor goes away after about five minutes--well, except for the bitterness, which stays for about ten.
Texture: Whether because the candy coating on this gum is far too thick or the gum itself is simply brittle, "Lift" tends to crumble at the very first, and much effort had to be made to keep myself from swallowing half my gum before I even got to chew it. The servings are minuscule, even if you have two pieces at a time as suggested in the nutrition facts. (Seriously, why?) Once you get over the crumbliness, it's nice and soft and everything, but when it tastes that gross, who really cares?
Final Notes: If you want a good-for-you, fruity tasting chew, buy a bottle of Flintstones vitamins.
1/10
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Wrigley Three
When you think of chewing gum (if you think of chewing gum, which, since you're here, I assume you do to an inordinate degree) one name should comee to the front of your mind: Wrigley. It is thanks solely to William Wrigley Jr. that the words "chewing gum" and "magnate" could conceivably be combined. So, to inaugurate The Latest Chews, my first reviews will be of the Wrigley Three: Doublemint, Juicy Fruit, and Big Red. We salute you, Mr. Wrigley!
Wrigley's Doublemint Gum
Stick
Taste: Why not stick with a classic? And indeed, this venerable gum comes by such a title honestly. As the grandpappy of all mint gums, doublemint doesn't promise to scrub your mouth dentist-clean or ice blast your bad breath into next Tuesday; it just delivers straight peppermint/spearmint flavor, warm and natural. It's not sugary or embellished, and is difficult to get tired of. Like most mint gums, while the flavor weakens over time, it never really is lost.
Texture: A paradigm of proper gum texture, Wrigley's doublemint is smooth and soft, with good substance and springiness and ideal elasticity, but without being rubbery.
Final Notes: Simple, tasty, long-lasting, and with a great jingle to boot, it's no wonder doublemint is such an American standard. There's a good chewing amount in each serving, too. In short, if you're going to be on a desert island with only one package of mint gum, make it a plen-t-pak of this.
Rating: 9/10
Wrigley's Juicy Fruit
Stick
Taste: Juicy Fruit is nearly as much of a classic as doublemint, although the result is not nearly so fortunate. Despite the name, there is nothing particularly fruity about this gum. Its flavor is pretty much regular bubblegum, which is to say it mostly tastes of sugar. The flavor all but disappears in about twenty minutes.
Texture: If Doublemint is a hit, Juicy Fruit is a miss. Maybe because of the gum's high sugar content, the consistency is soft and sloppy, particularly at first. Yet it also has 'overeager' elasticity, to the point of rubberiness--I almost expect my teeth to squeak on it.
Final Notes: The one cool thing about Juicy Fruit is the fact that it's bright yellow. If cheerily colored gum is important to you, this is an inexpensive winner. While the bubblegum flavor is available in more appetizing gums (with which you can actually blow bubbles), it's worth noting that once the flavoring is gone, the taste is simply neutral with no gross aftertaste, which is good if you're in it for the inattentive long haul.
Rating: 3/10
Wrigley's Big Red
Stick
Taste: The cinnamon gum for people who don't like cinnamon (like me), Big Red is pleasantly spicy without raw, mouth-blistering heat. The spicyness actually comes through as a flavor--it does not cause pain or injury and will never be the subject of a double-dog-dare. Like with mint gum, while the flavor dissipates with time, the sensation remains nearly as long as you chew it.
Texture: Presumably because it's based on a natural flavoring element iinstead of artificial flavorings or sugar, the texture is identical to that of Doublemint and is just as pleasurable a chew.
Final Notes: Some like it hot, and some like it cold. For those who don't want a cool minty gum for their desert island, Big Red is just as reliable a standard with a different taste sensation. Plus, if you cut shapes out of the foil wrappers, lick them, and stick them to your cheek, you can adorn yourself with dermal irritation beauty marks!
Rating: 8/10
Wrigley's Doublemint Gum
Stick
Taste: Why not stick with a classic? And indeed, this venerable gum comes by such a title honestly. As the grandpappy of all mint gums, doublemint doesn't promise to scrub your mouth dentist-clean or ice blast your bad breath into next Tuesday; it just delivers straight peppermint/spearmint flavor, warm and natural. It's not sugary or embellished, and is difficult to get tired of. Like most mint gums, while the flavor weakens over time, it never really is lost.
Texture: A paradigm of proper gum texture, Wrigley's doublemint is smooth and soft, with good substance and springiness and ideal elasticity, but without being rubbery.
Final Notes: Simple, tasty, long-lasting, and with a great jingle to boot, it's no wonder doublemint is such an American standard. There's a good chewing amount in each serving, too. In short, if you're going to be on a desert island with only one package of mint gum, make it a plen-t-pak of this.
Rating: 9/10
Wrigley's Juicy Fruit
Stick
Taste: Juicy Fruit is nearly as much of a classic as doublemint, although the result is not nearly so fortunate. Despite the name, there is nothing particularly fruity about this gum. Its flavor is pretty much regular bubblegum, which is to say it mostly tastes of sugar. The flavor all but disappears in about twenty minutes.
Texture: If Doublemint is a hit, Juicy Fruit is a miss. Maybe because of the gum's high sugar content, the consistency is soft and sloppy, particularly at first. Yet it also has 'overeager' elasticity, to the point of rubberiness--I almost expect my teeth to squeak on it.
Final Notes: The one cool thing about Juicy Fruit is the fact that it's bright yellow. If cheerily colored gum is important to you, this is an inexpensive winner. While the bubblegum flavor is available in more appetizing gums (with which you can actually blow bubbles), it's worth noting that once the flavoring is gone, the taste is simply neutral with no gross aftertaste, which is good if you're in it for the inattentive long haul.
Rating: 3/10
Wrigley's Big Red
Stick
Taste: The cinnamon gum for people who don't like cinnamon (like me), Big Red is pleasantly spicy without raw, mouth-blistering heat. The spicyness actually comes through as a flavor--it does not cause pain or injury and will never be the subject of a double-dog-dare. Like with mint gum, while the flavor dissipates with time, the sensation remains nearly as long as you chew it.
Texture: Presumably because it's based on a natural flavoring element iinstead of artificial flavorings or sugar, the texture is identical to that of Doublemint and is just as pleasurable a chew.
Final Notes: Some like it hot, and some like it cold. For those who don't want a cool minty gum for their desert island, Big Red is just as reliable a standard with a different taste sensation. Plus, if you cut shapes out of the foil wrappers, lick them, and stick them to your cheek, you can adorn yourself with dermal irritation beauty marks!
Rating: 8/10
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